It took me a while to get here, but here I am – in the acceptance (and even hopeful) stage of my surgery and being in yet another cast for 2 months + rehab…more of wearing just one shoe which will be more worn out than the other one -_- More of learning to find creative ways to carry things around without any hands…

This Wednesday is going to be a pretty big day for me. My biggest trial at 26 years (7 more days!!)…my first serious relationship and my boyfriend’s mother is visiting from China on the same day as my surgery for my most serious injury. Not only is she coming on the same day but she’s flying in during the procedure…so that leaves my boyfriend stressed - trying to come visit me and picking up his mom to stay with him, seeing her for the first time in over a year. Having a boyfriend for the first time while I’m going through my most serious injury – expectations of him being there with me are there. Selfish - I know. I struggled with this since I found out my surgery date that I was being overly anxious and pitifully selfish and needy and yet I didn’t want to stop. But I think I’m finally at the point where I see the bigger picture…it’s almost laughable (not laughing yet) at how life works out, but it’s at this point where I’m searching for a purpose in all this?? cuz ya know? I’m so sick of being in this state or anxiety!! “*ROAR! (I really roared) WHAT’S THE POINT OF ALL THIS??” I thought to myself last night.

If all this amounts to my boyfriend’s mother accepting Christ through seeing His glory and power in this situation then this is all worth it. This really is an opportunity for me to go through all this suffering with an “angelic face” (Acts 6). I listened to daily voice and Dennis talked about how Stephen was able to take advantage of all the attention he was getting to spread the gospel - all the while he was suffering and being persecuted. He never once used that situation to pity himself but he kept pointing everyone to Jesus. I’m not even close to being persecuted but maybe…just maybe I was made the way I am with my health problems so that He could show His power in my weakness. Still I’m learning how to not waste these opportunities. I mean who else gets to have this very opportunity of being hospitalized on the day I meet my boyfriend’s mom except me?

I’m also gonna have like 2 weeks off to just rest…a much needed one after the craziness of grad school and transitioning into the working life with zero breaks. I’m such a workaholic it’s like God’s forcing me to take this break now to rest. I want to use this time wisely to slow my life down and use it to reflect and make new goals for my life. This time off also means that I have to let go of my ministries in Arcadia for a while too…a first time, to pause from that…just as it was getting good too! The bond I have with those kids I serve have really been strengthening…but I’m excited to see other people step up as I take my break. J

There are so many people who have blessed me with prayers and a listening ear where I vented out my anxieties and insecurities. I really want to make the most of all this to grow and become stronger and more dependent on God and help Sean’s mom see just how REAL God is!! So actually those are my REAL prayer requests. This ankle thing is simply a means to those goals.

Thanks for the support, everyone! I hope to use my words here to reflect God’s miracle and use of me.

 “Oh the Glory of it all is

He came here for

the rescue of us all

that we may live

for the glory of it all”

- D.Crowder